The ABC System In math, students are told that if they approach new problems in the same step-by-step fashion every time, they'll more often than not get the right answer to their problem.   That's how it is with everyday problems as well.                                             A  =  Activating Event                                                                    B  =  Beliefs                                                                                      C  =  Consequences (feel, do)                                                     D  =  Disputing                                                                                 E  =  Effective Coping Statements An REBT therapist would first identify the A or ACTIVATING EVENT by simply asking "What happen?" or "What are you imagining will happen next?"  They don't want a person's life story because they know the important thing is what the person's BELIEFS about the event are.   That's what makes them feel and do what they do.  Then they would ask "How did you make yourself feel when that happened?" or "How do you make yourself feel when you imagine that happening?" There are some important questions to ask to help motivate people to start acting in their own self interest.           1)  What do you really want?  How do you want to feel?                                                        2)  Is what you're thinking, feeling, saying and doing getting you what                you really want?           3)  Will it make it easier or harder to get what you want in the future?                          4)  Is thinking, feeling, saying and doing that making your life better                or worse?                           5)  How's it working for you to think, feel, say and do that?                                                In relationships, there's an additional question that it might be helpful to ask:           6)  If someone else thinks, feels, and says and does that, are you likely                  to get what you really want from them, or with them?
			I added three steps to Dr. Ellis' original model.  They are:                               F  =  Functional Unhappiness                                          G  =  Generate Options                                                        H  =  Healthier, Happier and Hopeful F or Functional Unhappiness is really not an active step.  It's a product of doing steps B, D and E.  By doing those steps, someone generates a more functional amount of emotion.   For example, frustration instead of anger, or concern rather than anxiety.   E-motion can be very helpful ENERGY to MOVE.  It's when people generate a dysfunctional frequency, intensity and duration of it that it becomes a problem
				The best way to ASSERT YOURSELF is with I MESSAGES, as opposed to the YOU messages people often use.  YOU messages include things like orders, threats, putdowns, criticisms and namecalling, and they typically end up being "roadblocks" to effective communications.  They are also called "solution" messages because you tell the other person what to do instead of leaving the choice with them.  No one like to be told what to do, and YOU messages often provoke power struggles.  Someone often points their finger at the other person in the process, and no one likes a finger pointed at them.   On the other hand, when someone uses I MESSAGES, they either literally or figuratively are pointing their finger at themselves and simply giving the other person information such as:            1)  What they don't like about what the other person is saying or doing            2)  How them make themself feel when the other person say or does that            3)  What they want or prefer the other person to do instead

Then an REBT therapist would ask, "What would you have to think or tell yourself to
make you feel that way, and cause you to do that, especially when it's not getting you
what you really want?"

Sometimes they'll say, "If you thought or told yourself that (rational thought), would you
probably feel the way you do and do what you did?  If not, then what would you have to
think or tell yourself?  Do you ever hear yourself thinking or telling yourself that
(irrational thought)?"

Step B is called "THOUGHT CATCHING" because you catch thoughts that normally fly
through someone's mind at such high speed that they are not totally aware of them and
don't question or challenge them because of that.  It's also called "TURNING PRIVATE
TALK INTO PUBLIC SPEECH".  People feel, say and do all kinds of things that aren't in
their best interests because they keep secrets.  What doesn't come out in words often
comes out in their behavior.  What they think is the irrational logic of their behavior.  The
way they act may be irrational, in that it makes their life worse instead of better, but it will
seem more logical or at least more understandable once we understand how they think or
look at things.

For Step D, please see pages page 6 to learn more about how to simply, but effectively
dispute, question and challenge the four basic types of irrational thoughts.

Effective Coping Statements are more rational thoughts you could have, or thing you
could tell yourself to help you generate a more functional amount of emotion.  They
would be statements of fact instead of opinions.  For example:

                                      No one has to do anything                                    
                              People can say and do whatever they want to
                              I'd like that but I don't need it                                
                              I can only do so much                                            
                              The only person I control is me                            
                              It's not the end of the world                                   
                              It's not that big a deal                                             
                              It's over and done with                                           
                              I've survived it before and I will again                
                              No one's perfect                                                      
                              We all make mistakes                                             
                              We're all just fallible human beings                    

Dr. Paul Hauck says that whenever a situation is not to your liking, you have the same
four basic options.  They are:

                             1)  Problem Solve and Assert Yourself
                             2)  Tolerate with Disturbance                 
                             3)  Tolerate without Disturbance           
                             4)  Leave                                                      

There is a caution about tolerating.  You get what you tolerate.  It helps to sometimes
ask yourself "What reason do they have to change the way they act or treat me if I
tolerate what they say and do?"  To tolerate something WITHOUT disturbing yourself,
you'd work hard on Step D, and Step E, disputing your irrational beliefs and coming up
with EFFECTIVE COPING STATEMENTS.