Correcting Irrational Thinking The brain is like a computer.  We can store vast amounts of data in our brains, just like we can on a hard drive of a computer.  Thoughts can fly through our minds so fast we may not be aware of them, just like text and images can fly across a computer's screen so fast that we can't read or see them.  However, as there can only be a limited amount of data on a computer screen at any given time, we can only be thinking one thing at a time.  We can move from one thought to another quickly, but technically, we can only have one at a time.  And it's what's on that "screen" in our heads at crucial times that determines how we feel, and what we choose to say and do. We all have all kinds of potentially relevant and helpful facts, information and advice, our own and others experiences, knowledge of potential consequences, and values and morals stored in our brains.  The problem is that we also have all kinds of automatic irrational beliefs about ourselves, others and life also stored in our brains.  They can come up on our "screens" at crucial times and sometimes continue to dominate those "screens", causing us to feel worse than necessary or helpful, and to say and do things that make our lives worse instead of better.
				A simple way to dispute, question or challenge what someone thinks, or says, is to ask a simple question, "Is that a fact or opinion?"  When people disturb themselves more than is necessary or helpful, it's typically because they are thinking or expressing OPINIONS rather than FACTS.  The more someone thinks in terms of FACTS the less disturbable they'll be, because those factual ways of looking at things are more likely to match the reality they're confronted with.                                 They CAN'T say that about me  (OPINION)                                 They can say whatever they want to (FACT) The closer your thoughts match reality, the better mental health you'll enjoy.  The bigger the difference between your thoughts about the way life is or should be and reality, the less mentally healthy you'll be, and the more you'll disturb yourself unnecessarily.

The vast majority of our efforts to influence others, and get them to feel better or change
their behavior in essence is nothing more than giving advice. There's an ancient
Buddhist saying that Terry London included in one of his many books on REBT/REBE.

       "Advice is stupid because fools won't use it, and wise men already know it"

Advice is like our offensive game plan.  It's the "plays" we want someone to run, what we
want them to think, feel, say and do when the game starts.  However, as is true in sports,
defense is the name of the game.   However, in human behavior, the best defense is NOT
always a good offense.  The opposition's offense, those automatic irrational beliefs
someone has about themselves, others and life, can pop onto someone's "screen" when
they have to make crucial choices, and dominate their thinking.  And they have no
defense against such thinking.

In REBT, we "scout" the opposition.  What is it that someone might think when they find
themselves in a situation that would cause them to feel the way they do, and say and do
what follows?  Our defensive game plan against those automatic irrational beliefs is to
teach a student or client a process called DISPUTING, which is basically to question and
challenge those beliefs.     

Every thought we have is basically our THEORY or HYPOTHESIS about the way life is, or
should be.  Does the evidence from life support our theories?  Are they good ones?  Or
does the evidence instead support alternative theories.

We teach the Scientific Method in schools, but rarely if ever teach students to apply it to
their everyday thoughts and comments about life around them.  

Demands often come in the form of a question like "How dare they...?", "How could
they...?" or "How could I...?"  For example:

                                "How dare they talk to me like that?"
                                "How could someone act like that?"
                                "How could I have been so stupid?"

The implicit DEMANDS in such questions are that someone else SHOULDN'T and CAN'T
talk to you in some way you don't like, that they SHOULD or HAVE TO act the way you
would want them to instead of the way they did, and that you SHOULD, HAVE TO or
MUST be perfect and never make mistakes like most other human beings do.

The answer to all such questions is alway one word.  EASILY!!!

If you practice and rehearse answering all such demands this way, you'll find yourself
starting to smile and laugh at yourself for making such ridiculous demands of yourself,
others and life.

Another way to dispute irrational thinking is to ask simple but direct questions.  For
example, suppose someone makes the following DEMAND:

                                 "That have to treat me with respect!"

When disputing someone else's irrational beliefs, we often AFFIRM THE PREFERENCE
first.  For example:

      "I agree it would be nice if they did treat you with more respect.  You have every       
         right to want them to.  But...."

      "Why do they HAVE TO treat you with respect.  Why MUST they do what you want?
        They have to, or you just want them to, or would like them to?"

When people first are asked such questions, they usually start their response with
"Because...."  Anything they say after that is the wrong answer.  The correct answer is:

      "They don't have to treat you (me) with respect.  They don't have to do anything.
        They don't have to, you (I) just want them to.  You'd (I'd) just like them to."

The same type of questions can be asked for the three other types of irrational thinking.
My book goes into detail for each type of irrational thought.

The goal is not to get someone to like what's happening to them, or not have any feeling
at all.  The goal is to help them generate a more functional amount of emotion, and
disturb themselves less, especially when disturbing themselves will not do any good,
and probably only make matters worse.  It's to free them to RESPOND to what is
happening rather than REACT to it.  When people make their lives worse by saying or
doing something, it's typically because they are REACTing rather than RESPONDing and
problem solving.

One final way to correct irrational thinking is to practice and rehearse expressing
DEMANDS as the original WANT, PREFERENCE or DESIRE (WPD) they started out as.
For example, for the DEMAND given above, we could practice saying or writing:

              WPD:       I'd like people to treat me with more respect
                              I want people to treat me with more respect
                              I'd prefer people treat me with more respect
                              I'd rather people treat me with more respect
                              I wish people would treat me with more respect
                              I'd appreciate it if people would treat me with more respect

However, since no one has to do anything, and people can say or do whatever they
want, it helps to practice and rehearse following WPDs with (E) Effective Coping
Statements.  For example:

                 But.......They don't have to do anything
                              The only person I control is me
                              I can't MAKE them do anything