The Chicago Institute for
Rational Emotive Behavioral Education
Motivational-Educational Speaker
Ray Mathis
presents
Shame is a the feeling people experience when they
believe they don't live up to others or their own
expectations. Life is full of opportunities to feel shame,
especially when we're young. Many of our most troubled
and troublesome young people have been told much of
their lives that "You should be ashamed of yourself".
Shame can be the primary disturbance behind such
behavior as alcohol and drug abuse, and suicide. It can
also be a secondary disturbance. Dr. Ellis used to say
"shame blocks change". There are a multitude of
programs and services available to people of all ages who
are struggling with any manner of issues or problems.
The problem is that shame makes people want to keep
what they think and feel (and even do) a secret, and
makes them less like to seek or accept help that is
available to them. People do a lot of unhealthy,
self-defeating things because they keep secrets. And
they often use anger to protect themselves from feeling
ashamed when confronted by others. Others often then
react to that anger with more anger, and things go
downhill from there. Encouraging people to have USA is
part of the solution. You do that by trying to get them to
see that anything they think, feel, say or do is perfectly
understandable. That doesn't mean it's healthy or
acceptable to others. It just means they'll never be the
first or last person to think, feel, say or do something.
They'll always have a lot of company. We're all what Dr.
Ellis used to call FHBs or Fallible Human Beings who at
times think, feel, say and do things that make our lives
worse instead of better. Therefore, it's nothing to be
ashamed of. And beating up on yourself just makes it
harder to fix what's broken. For the most troubled and
troublesome of our young people, it is often the first and
only time they've ever had someone say something like
that to them, and it can have an instantaneous and very
positive effect, and make them much more receptive to
interventions on their behalf.
the following problems and issues at the same time
events that might come their way (such as bullying), both now and later in life.
the classroom, in athletics, and in their chosen profession in the future.
adopted by the State of Illinois and similar standards in other states.
the classroom, and to more effectively deal with the most troubled and troublesome
students. Teach them how to really reduce the stress that so often goes with their job.
If you analyze all the things that go wrong in the live of
individuals, in schools and families and society as a
whole, you find they are either defined by, or caused by
people generating a dysfunctional amount of emotion,
and what they do because of it, or to deal with it. Most
people have an external locus of control. They believe
that what others say and do, and what happens, makes
them feel the way they do. This puts them at the mercy
of their life events, often leaves them feeling like a victim,
and causes them to feel worse than necessary for longer
than they need to, and to miss many opportunities to feel
better. It's really the thoughts we have about our life
events that cause how we feel, not the events
themselves. Thoughts cause feelings not events. We all
have a host of cognitive choices we make all the time,
usually without realizing that we do, that really determine
how we feel. For example, how we choose to look at
what happens, what meaning we attach to what does,
what we remember about the past, what we imagine will
happen in the future, what we focus on or compare
things to, what we expect of ourselves, others and life in
the first place, and how much importance we attach to
what does happen, or that might. Developing an internal
locus of control involves learning and reminding
ourselves of what the real cause of feelings, and what
our cognitive choices are, and learning to use that
knowledge to our advantage. Doing these things can be
very empowering, and can help us reduce the frequency,
intensity and duration of troublesome emotions we
generate that might give purpose to unhealthy,
self-defeating or even destructive behavior. Developing
an internal locus also means learning what you do and
don't have control over, and focusing on and working
with what you do control instead of what you don't. We
don't control what others think, feel, say or do. We only
control what we do, and learning to control that is
enough of a task for most people. Finally, developing an
internal locus of control also involves learning to not take
or accept unnecessary responsibility for how others
make themselves feel. Taking or accepting blame for
how other make themselves feel can play out in many
unfortunate ways.
the mental and emotional challenges that come with being in the classroom that so
often undermine their effectiveness and ability to perform at levels you prepare them to
Free them to be as effective as they can be, for your sake and theirs. Teach them how
to make positive changes in their lives to reduce their risk of health problems and cut
health care costs. Create a better work place environment and better relationships
at your place of business
strategies and new ways of looking at things that allow someone to develop these life
skills. The four most important life skills are:
2) To have an Internal Locus of Control
3) To recognize and correct irrational thinking in themselves and others
4) To have a step-by-step approach to potentially troublesome life events
6) To evaluate their thoughts, feelings and actions with respect to their real goals
7) To understand why change is hard, and what it takes to make changes
8) To assert themselves with I Messages
pass through our schools. Unfortunately, we are not.
2) Gives true responsibility, the ability to respond to life in the best possible way
3) Frees those who are, to stop behaving in unhealthy and self-defeating ways
4) Makes it easier to access and act on helpful health advice and information
5) Makes young people more ready, willing and able to learn
Because thoughts cause feelings, and attitude is always
the father of behavior. Dr. Ellis identified a pattern to the
way people think when they generate a dysfunctional
amount of emotion and then behave irrationally. It's easy
to teach this pattern and help people learn to recognize
when they and others are thinking irrationally, and then
teach them how to correct such thinking when it is there.
It basically involves applying the scientific method to
everyday life. Every thought someone has, or comment
they make is basically their theory or hypothesis about
the way life is or should be. The question then becomes,
"Does the evidence of everyday life support your theory
or hypothesis? Or does it perhaps refute it, and suggest
a better one? We teach the scientific method to young
people in science classes all around the state and nation,
but neglect to teach them how to apply it to their every-
day life. It would be a simply matter to do so. Another
simple way is to pose the question "Is that a fact or just
an opinion". When people disturb themselves needlessly
it's typically because of opinions they have, and not
because of facts.
classes or funds to start doing so. Schools could start tomorrow. The best way
would be to first teach teachers these skills for their own sake, and then approach
teaching these skills to students like they now do reading and writing - do it across
the curriculum, with every student, in every class, at every opportunity. Those
things that work best in education occur when everyone is on the same page.
and easy-to-learn, important life skills. They would be a welcomed addition.
Motivational-Educational Speaker
Taught Health Education - 33 years
B.S. Health Education
M.A. Education
30 Post Graduate Hours in Rational
Emotive Behavioral Education
Primary Certification in REBE
In math, students are taught that if they approach new
problems in the same step-by-step fashion, they will
more often than not get the right answer. So it is with
approaching everyday problems. Most people
automatically approach new, potentially troublesome life
situations in the same old rutted, and ineffective way
they have before. Dr. Ellis developed a simple 5 step
approach to life events that helps someone get into the
best cognitive and emotional place to make the best
behavioral or lifestyle choice for themselves and others
A = Activating Event (real and imagined)
B = Beliefs (about event, self, others, life)
C = Consequences (what we feel and do as a
consequence of what we believe about the
event, ourselves, others and life)
D = Disputing (automatic irrational beliefs)
E = Effective Coping Statement (what we
could say to ourselves to generate a more
functional amount of emotion)
First you teach people to have USA, to have an Internal
Locus of Control, to recognize and correct irrational
thinking, and then practice working through these steps.
naturesmasterpieces@yahoo.com
ray@itsjustanevent.com
ray@mentalandemotionalfitness.com
For more details, click on tabs below.
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Page 3 Why Unconditional Self-Acceptance is Important
Page 4 Why Developing an Internal Locus of Control is so Important
Page 5 Recognizing Irrational Thinking
Page 6 Correcting Irrational Thinking
Page 7 The ABC Steps
offers certification from the Albert Ellis Institute in REBE through graduate courses
from IRI/St.Xavier University. It is co-directed by Terry London, M.S. and Dr. Paul
Hauck, PhD.
the education students now receive around our country, and to teaching these skills to
people of all ages.
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Jan 4, 2010
