The Problem We Face We know more than ever before in human history about how to prevent disease and other problems, and to live longer, healthier, happier and more productive lives.  People receive more helpful advice and information than ever before, in ever more clever and effective ways.  Yet we still have way too many people starting and continuing to behave in unhealthy, self-defeating, and sometimes even self-destructive ways.  Many continue to do so even after suffering because of it, or causing others to.  There are also too many people who don't do many little and simple things they could to be healthier or make their lives better, even when they know better.  We have too many who still die prematurely or cause others to because of what they do, or don't do. We also know more than ever before about how students best learn, and how to teach them, and to accommodate those with learning disabilities.  Yet we still have way too many students functioning at levels well below what they are capable of, and than we or they would like.  We also have way too many students dropping out at a time when education is more important than ever. If we keep doing what we've always done, we'll keep getting what we've always gotten.  That's okay when what we are doing is working, and a lot of what we do does.  If it ain't broke, don't fix it.   However, when things are not as good as they could be or we'd like, we might want to do something different, and people like Dr. Albert Ellis have already shown us what we could do.  We need to first identify the real underlying causes of so much that goes wrong in the lives of individuals, in families, in schools, and our society as a whole.
		The Solution That's why emotional management is considered the first and most important of all life skills people must master to be as functional as they can be.  Teaching people of any age the simple but important cognitive life skills noted earlier can give them truly effective emotional management We do little if anything in schools or most families to really teach people to have truly effective emotional management, despite the important role a lack of it plays in so much that goes wrong in the lives of individuals, and in families, schools and society, while people are young, and later in their lives.   We do little if anything to teach them to have unconditional self-acceptance, and often do exactly the opposite in an effort to get them "to behave".  Many young children and teens are even regular told "you should be ashamed of yourself".  Shame often later becomes the primary feeling they seek relief from in any number of unhealthy, self-destructive ways.   Very few teachers have ever heard of the concept of "mistaken goals", even though it was developed specifically for educators to explain misbehavior in the classroom.  We usually end up telling them what they are doing wrong and what they should be doing instead, instead of asking them to evaluate their own thoughts, feelings and actions with respect to what they want. We also do little if anything to teach them to have an internal locus of control, largely because most parents and teachers have an external locus of control themselves.  Most teachers and parents live by the big lie, that being that other people make them feel bad. We do little if anything to teach young people to recognize or correct the irrational thinking that causes them and others to generate a dysfunctional amount of emotion and behave irrationally.  In fact, we often model irrational thought without realizing it. Starting to teach young people to have truly effective emotional management wouldn't require any new teachers, classes or funds.  It would be the simplest, quickest, cheapest and most importantly, the most effective way to really target the underlying cause of so much that goes wrong in and out of the classroom, while they are in school, or later in their lives. There are many ways to temporarily feel better.  Some are healthy, many are not.  Students are sometimes taught some of the common healthy ways to temporarily make themselves feel better (i.e. Yoga, meditation, relaxation, biofeedback) or encouraged to vent.  However, there's a difference between temporarily feeling better and getting better.  Getting better means to reduce the overall frequency, intensity and duration of emotions like anger, anxiety, depression, etc.  The only way to GET better is for someone to change the way they think.

                                   The Causes

People start and continue to behave in unhealthy, self-defeating ways because it serves a
purpose.  Behavior of any kind is always goal-orientated.  Ideally, all our energy and effort would go
toward reaching those goals we all have like living longer, healthier and happier lives, having good
relationships with others, being successful at whatever we do, and having more control over our
own destiny.  But no one does that perfectly, or all the time.  Unfortunately, people often have
"mistaken" goals that  get them off course.  A very common mistaken goal is to try to temporarily
withdraw from, or avoid unpleasant life events and get relief from the emotions that often go with
them.  So many unhealthy, self-defeating and even self-destructive behaviors are peoples best
attempts to do exactly that.
  
A large part of what gives rise to such "mistaken" goals, and purpose to unhealthy, self-defeating
behavior is that people generate a dysfunctional amount of emotion in the form of anger, anxiety,
depression, shame, guilt, loneliness and even boredom.  By dysfunctional I mean 1) more than
they'd like to have, 2) more than they know what to do with, 3) more than is healthy for them, 4)
more than in necessary or helpful to the life situations they find themselves in, and 5) a type and
frequency, intensity and duration of it that works against them instead of for them.

If you analyze all the problems individuals, families, schools and society must deal with, you'll find
that most, if not all of them are caused by one or more persons generating a dysfunctional amount
of emotion, and what they do because of that, or to deal with it.    

People often don't do everything they could to make their health and lives better because they
generate LFT, or Low Frustration Tolerance for doing things they dislike and/or that they perceive
as uncomfortable, inconvenient or unpleasant, despite the benefits those things might offer them.  

People have to be in the right cognitive and emotional place to be ready, willing and able to learn
and function at the level they are capable of.  When young people generate too much emotion it
can impair their readiness, willingness and ability to learn, and sabotage their performance.  It can
give purpose to unhealthy, self-defeating behavior that only impairs such things even further.  
However, this can happen to anyone, regardless of age or endeavor.

Students often have to deal with events outside of school that they understandably generate a
dysfunctional amount of all kinds of emotion in response to.  Some deal with such events extremely
well naturally.  Many do not.  Likewise, employees often have to deal with many events outside
their workplace.  The way they do can negatively impact the performance on the job.

Anger can cause students to provoke unnecessary power struggles and rebel against rules and
authority.  Angry students often disrupt classes in a misguided attempt to get back at teachers and
refuse to do work or smoke, drink, use drugs and get into trouble to get back at parents.  They do
things that result in disciplinary actions, which only interfere with their education even further.  
Anger can cause students to become violent, to bully, or to vandalize.  It can be a precursor for
depression, which itself can impair a student’s readiness, willingness and ability to learn, and set
the stage for engaging in unhealthy and even self-destructive behavior.  Anger can make otherwise
smart employers and employees do stupid things.

Students who have a history of not living up to others expectations in and out of school often
generate shame that makes them reluctant to ask for help that is available to them,  Shame can
give purpose to using and abusing alcohol and drugs.  Shame, along with depression, can cause
students to become self-destructive and even attempt suicide.  Adults can struggle with trying to
live up to expectations, and end up reacting in many of the same ways.

Past struggles with schoolwork can cause students to generate intense anxiety when asked to do
new tasks, and to try to avoid future failure in any way possible.  Even students who have been
successful can generate so much anxiety that it sabotages their performance on tests.  Anxiety is a
another common reason for students starting and continuing to smoke, drink, and use drugs.